Life From The Heart Of Death by Nahil al-Qassas

Life From The Heart Of Death

Nahil al-Qassas, Psychologist at United Palestinian Appeal – Gaza,

Sawt-Al-Oroba , Apri 6, 2024

I am writing to you from the heart of Gaza.
We are the ones who are forced to die, so we do not have the luxury of choice. Our choices between fast and slow death are both bitter. Stay between dying of thirst, starvation, or sadness over your memories that are destroyed before your eyes and between your loved ones dying one by one or being wiped out of existence.
Despite our belief that every time has a book and that our destinies have stepped and dried up in the tablet preserved since creation, eternity and its destinies are effective, and there is no objection to God’s judgment, but death in Gaza is not limited to the ascension of the soul to its righteous, but in fierce details, to say the least, and will only be understood by its people.
On November 15, 2023, for the last moment of steadfastness at home on the fortieth day of the war on Gaza, “We miraculously escaped death.” I can’t describe how many explosions and rockets are above and below us every second we breathe. We began to smell fire, smoke, and glass breaking everywhere in the house, the sounds of water barrels exploding from the roof of our house, and intense bullets, waterfalls of shells reaching the rooftops of homes and above our heads until they reached our room and your only safe place while you are sleeping!! There are heavy clashes. It looks like we were trapped in our house! We had no choice or where to go, and we didn’t have a plan yet.
We were forced out of our region with difficulty at the last moment after all means of survival were impossible. We tried hard to stay at home and save ourselves from a crisis reality. Having been exposed to imminent danger, we are saved by God’s grace!! We survived the fire!! I swear to God that it burned and burned more and more.
When the fire burned, and no one extinguished it, and after we stayed in the area for two nights amid it, God extinguished it with His power. There is no ambulance to respond, no civil defense… So God sent down the rain on us from heaven, as if by him saying: “God is with you!”
And oh, the fire of the heart. And you try to extinguish all this fire in your heart with tears. Is there anything that can extinguish and cool the fire within us? We only have to monologue with God and reflect on His messages and wisdom. Our salvation is a miracle by the will of God.
Glory be to you, my Lord, how great you are, how gentle and merciful you are. Whenever the sky and the air are covered with the smell of gunpowder, and we feel suffocated, God sends rain by His command… It is. Then it rains gently to pat our souls so that we may stand firm and be patient as if he were addressing us and saying to us, Be patient, be patient, and prove that I am with you; I hear and see… Glory be to You, the All-Hearing and the Insightful…
They cut off the electricity and water, and then God sent the rain as if it were a message from God to us: ‘If they close a door on you, I will open a thousand doors for you.
That book is beyond doubt, says God Almighty in his Holy Book from the verses of Surat Al-Anfal ﴿ When sleepiness makes you sleepy, safe from it, and water comes down on you from heaven to purify you with it. It goes away from you to shake the devil, bind on your hearts, and fix the feet with it; IF YOU HAVE NO RIGHT, THEN YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO DO SO.
I repeat inside me in the dead of night: “O Allah, mock us, the soldiers of the earth and the angels of heaven, and make every difficult matter easy for us, and say what we want to be around you.”
We firmly believe in our minds and hearts; they will not be torn apart. My faith will not shake, and my heart will not be torn apart. Yes, I, as a hill, have witnessed many wars in Gaza, but I have not seen the magnitude of our tragedy in this war. It’s a nightmare!
As Mahmoud Darwish said:
Because Gaza is born in Hell, and we are born waiting and crying at home.
Gaza is surrounded by mines… And explode… No, it’s death… Nor is it suicide.
It is Gaza’s way of declaring itself worthy of life.
It is neither magic nor a miracle; it is Gaza’s weapon in defending its survival, honor, and being—the land of steadfastness—with victory… and in the attrition of the enemy…
Because Gaza is the brutal lesson and the shining model…
Because time in Gaza is something else… Because time in Gaza is not a neutral element. It doesn’t push people into meditation’s coldness but makes them explode and hit the truth.
Time there does not take children from childhood to old age…
But it makes them men in the first meeting with the enemy…
Time in Gaza is not relaxation but the storming of the burning afternoon…
Values in Gaza vary… Vary… Vary… The only value of an occupied human being is the extent to which he resists occupation. This is the only competition out there.
Gaza is addicted to knowing this noble and cruel value. You learned it from something other than books or urgent coursework. I realized it by experience alone. I taught her about life in the school of occupation and injustice.
Gaza is not the most beautiful city…
Its shore is no bluer than that of Arab cities, and its oranges are not the most beautiful in the Mediterranean Sea basin.
Gaza is not the wealthiest city, not the most prestigious, and not the largest, but it is equivalent to the history of a nation.
Because it is uglier in the eyes of enemies, poorer, miserable, and vicious. It is the most capable of disturbing the mood and comfort of the enemy because it is his nightmare. Because it is mined oranges, children without childhood, older adults without old age, and women without desires. Because it is the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the richest, and the most worthy of love.
They may break her bones. They may plant tanks in the bowels of her children and women. They may throw it into the sea, sand, or blood, but it will not repeat lies, will not say “yes” to the invaders, and will continue to explode.
No, it’s death… Nor is it suicide.
It is Gaza’s way of declaring itself worthy of life.
But victory is patience for an hour, God willing.
https://upaconnect.org/life-in-the-heart-of-death-a-series-on-the-experiences-of-mental-health-professionals-under-attack-story-50/

Note: This important letter was received in Arabic.

The author’s experience is very factual, and Ibrahim Ebeid translated it into English.